Tuesday, March 10, 2009


Superstar Ryan O’Neal smacked actress Susan Blakely in the mouth and smashed boyfriend Steve Jaffe in the during a wild brawl at a Hollywood discoteque: PG. 5

Readers are asked which Psalm did Paul cite to the Jews in the synagogue at Antioch?: PG !5

Ann Margaret, co-starring with Elvis in VIVA LAS VEGAS, was probably one of the closest co stars he ever had, and one of the few who was invited to his funeral: PG 24-25

A new way of slimming down is announced–the SLIMLINE SHORTS: anatomically shaped weight reducing garments made of pure latex and rubber: PG 25

Mud pulled at my low shoes. Soon my left heel was a throbbing blister. I love him, I thought. I love a stranger called André and I’ll never see him again. A stranger is the one I love: PG. 35

Elizabeth Taylor has a new health worry, crippled by a mysterious back pain: PG. 24

Aries (March 21-April 19) are advised to polish up their homes to attract important visitors: Pg. 34

Movie star jack Lemmon is a firm believer in ESP because of a chilling incident that he will never forget: PG 34

An Ape-like monster forced a tough ex-paratrooper from his home near Key Largo, Florida and the monster was almost nine feet tall: PG. 34

The price of a lb. of hamburger held steady from April to July at 85¢: PG. 17

The price of frankfurters climbed from $1.16 to $1.20 a lb. during the same period: PG. 17

Slightly below and to the right of the article on pg. 17 regarding the price of hamburgers and frankfurters on pg. 17, Mrs. George Theede of Nickerson, Kansas discovered that four or five woodpeckers were hammering the telephone trasformers near her house, making her telephone ring with very peck: PG. 17

The members of Girl Scout Troop 746 and Boy Scout Troop 66 are just like any other scout–except: they are naked!: PG. 11.

Cheryl Ladd sat next to a native Hawaiian sporting a Hawaiian shirt who serenaded her on a ukulele and we can’t say if it was the exotic locale or the music but Cheryl Ladd predicted that the new Charlie’s Angels was certain to be a big hit: PG:unknown

The best time for loving is when you least expect it, for example, while doing the dishes: PG. 8

According to Bob Breton, fitness expert, if you are into fitness, BULLWORKER puts it all together with exercises that last less than seven seconds each: PG. 23

Janie, in Atlanta, Georgia, is upset because her parents are angry with her for breaking up with George which she did because even though is handsome and doesn’t curse, drink or use drugs, he chews with his mouth open and uses his hands for a napkin and Janie has more fun with her cat: PG. 30

Firehouse feast are turning America’s firemen into fatties: PG 31

Yes, please send me GOLDEN 60 ORGAN FAVORITES which I may liseten to in my home FREE for 10 days for FREE: Pg. 8

Howard Head has come up with a 9 ft tennis racquet for a trade fair in Anaheim, California that costs him more than $1000 but “It delivers a mean serve”: Pg. 1

On New York’s Fire Island, the resort’s ‘cookie’ patrol pounced on three young offenders: Ruth Bushnell, 24, was charged with nibbling on a piece of crumb cake; student Larry Wallick, 18, was picked up for eating a chocolate chip cookie, and Michael Mastandrea, 29, was run in for drinking a glass of water: Pg. 4

Dennis Weaver is eager to give up his gentle man of the earth McCloud when he gets the chance to beat up his TV wife Sally Struthers in the TV movie, BATTERED. “Sally wants realism. So do I. It should be interesting” : Pg. 4

Now, jolting through the stormy night, every mashing turn to the wheels bringing me closer to Paris and the Comte de Crequi, I felt my stomach grow tighter and tighter with apprehension–I dreaded those cynical, rain-dark eyes: Pg. 13 (continued on next page)

The 1977 Chervolet is equipped with AM radio, automatic transmission, air conditioning, power steering, power brakes, a 305 V-8 engine, whitewall tires and bumper pads and guards: Pg. 15

HEE HAW HONEYS, a TV pilot due to be filmed next month, has a character called Billy Carter in it who owns a gas station. Who’ll play him? Why, Billy Carter: Pgt. 19

Rock Hudson won’t have to work for the next ten years if he doesn’t want to yet he’ll still take home a mindboggling $200,000 annual paycheck!: Pg. 19

Sir Lancelot can read just two words, “turn” and “peck” but that isn’t bad-for a duck!: Pg. 21

Picking up the necklace, clasping it between my breasts, I began to weep, “What is it?” Aunt Therese asked, “Manon?” “I shouldn’t...” I sobbed, unable to complete my sentence. I shouldn’t have taken the opals.” Pg. 35

Nature’s Own Mystical Force! The World’s Most Powerful Plant! The Pyramid Energy Plant! Nature’s Own Pyramid Plant Shaped in Pyramid Form: Pg. 41

Huge Restaurant Type Berries are just as big and just as tasty as regular outdoor strawberries: Pg. 43

A five letter word for ‘Cogonomens’: Pg. 46

Candle flame touched the highwayman’s face into dark planes. As he gazed at me, his expression changed to musing, as if he were trying to recall a line of poetry: Pg. 35


mistivelvet said...

"Viva Las Vegas" is one of my favorite movies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I like big strawberries sometimes but not always.

Tortilla ex Machina said...

As it is mine – Elvis actually had one 'serious' movie, and weirdly enough, it co-starred Walter Mattheau and Carolyn Jones (Mortitia.) Don't know if you have seen it – KING CREOLE. It's pretty dark, and it's got the greatest music.

The comeback concert is also great to see ('68 I think) when he was at an all time popularity low. He had the gumption to fight the tide (of psychedelia) and get on stage in a black leather jacket and do it acoustic, and he played his absolute heart out. He went to war that night, no doubt about that, but he had the his closest warriors and companions right there with him.

HOWEVER: in the interest of full disclosure–the 'strawberries' and all related prose on this entry is a sort of found poem inspired by THE STAR: THE AMERICAN WOMEN'S WEEKLY from September, 1977.

Lots of stuff in that. There is nothing like nostalgia for the innocence of tabloids.


mistivelvet said...

Yeah, I figured it was a found poem. I love found stuff. I confess...I buy US Weekly almost weekly. It's a sickness of mine. I'll have to check out "King Creole." Angelina Jolie thought she and Billy Bob were soul mates because they both agreed that was the best Elvis movie. HA.

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