Friday, July 29, 2016

SINCE WE ALL DIE, WHY DO WE HAVE PEOPLE DIE (IN THE MOVIES?)

My favorite squares are the ones you see on the trampoline as you are about to touch it with your feet.

My favorite circles are the circles that are made by Vitamin B6 tablets.


My favorite pens are the fuzzy topped ones that look like ice creams cones if you see their shadows on the wall.


My favorite grandfathers are the ancient grandfathers from Constantinople or the fuzzy haired rock stars from the ’70’s when they become grandfathers after they settle down.


My favorite name is Vitalis.


My favorite smell is Vitalis.


My favorite crutches are made of maple wood and smell like breakfast cereals with milk.


My favorite guns are ones that are owned by people named Ed.


My favorite color is Tutti Frutti, said really slowly.


My favorite candy bar was made by the Mennonites in the 17th century and consisted mostly of flax seed and millet and apples and hominy and secret ingredients.


My favorite time is the time you find on a clock.


My favorite lock is made out of hair that looks like a real lock.


My favorite church is the one with the tricycles and helmets and boxes of Goobers.


My favorite President is George Washington, Sr.


My favorite time to say “Señor” is when I am praying real loud in a barn.


My favorite peanut butter sandwich has a base note of cassis and lavender.


My favorite mustache is chopped off and in a box labeled “fresh minnows”


My favorite perfume says Parfum on it.


My favorite music I can’t tell you about.


My favorite Atom Bomb was in a cartoon.


My favorite word is why not.


My favorite wrecking ball is made of peppermint. And steel.


My favorite place in heaven is the gift shop.


My favorite termite dances just like Christopher Walken.


Tuesday, July 26, 2016

THE DOCTOR SAID: “THIS MEDICATION SHOULD BE TAKEN WITH FOOD, BUT FEW PEOPLE KNOW HOW MUCH FOOD” (THIS MEDICATION SHOULD BE TAKEN WITH)


I nodded and smiled. I nodded because I agreed, that most people probably did not know how much food the medication should be taken with, and I nodded because I was one of those people who did not know how much food this medication should be taken with. Besides that, I was always told to nod in agreement when someone makes a point, particularly if you feel that it is an interesting point, or a point that they appear to find interesting themselves, or a point that someday you might find interesting yourself.

Trompe-l'œil 

Just because it’s a black and white photo
of my girlfriend doesn’t mean it’s not really
my girlfriend in color.



Friday, July 22, 2016

WHAT I REMEMBER ABOUT THE FIFTH GRADE


When Mrs. Zellner finally came back,
the boys and girls screamed so loud
the baby cried for two years and now
the baby is an old man, wearing a
white tee shirt, living in Florida, 

catching shrimp.


Wednesday, July 20, 2016

NICÉPHORE NIÉPCE

Part of me wants to be one of those photogravures you find at antique shops of people who no one remembers but seem to be so nice from so long ago.
Part of me wants to see those photogravures walking down the street and stopping them to say “Don’t I know you?”

Part of me wants to be the man who invented the photogravure on the day he sat down to eat a bowl of ice cream and thought to himself. “It’s awfully hot today, too hot to photogravure.”


And to be all the people who passed by and escaped that day, like sweet little ghosts.

Sunday, July 10, 2016


SUMERIAN PROVERBS FOUND ON A HOT DAY AFTER A TRIP TO THE GROCERY STORE FOR TUNA FISH & CRACKERS

(“History Begins at Sumer” by Samuel Noah Kramer,1959)

HYGIENE

Everybody talks to the well-dressed man.
Except for Fred.

THE GLASSES IRONY

If I wore glasses, I could see the rich man
and marry him, but I cannot afford glasses.

A SHRINE and A RIVER

My wife is in the outdoor shrine.
My mother is in the river.
Is she naked?
I am starving from hunger.
And yet I have a wife and a naked mother.

BEREFT

He who has never had a wife or a child 
has never owned a leash although he might
own a dog or a wolverine or perhaps a whirligig.

PLENTITUDE

A frisky woman can take pain
and add a dollop of ache to it
who knows where she finds it?

But she does because of her
energy which is quite abundant
but not good and she is a good shopper
she loves going out in the evenings

INQUIRY OF SELF

I am a steed
tied to a mule
who must draw a cart
who hates mules.

In my cart
are not riches
just stupid things
reeds and stubble
for example
from my master’s yard 
and beard, respectively.

BONDS

Friendship lasts a day
but if you love someone
you will not die until they do
or vice versa and so forth and so on.

LABOR

The blacksmith’s dog overturns the flower pot
for he cannot overturn the anvil for he is 
a weak, bad dog.

IMMORTALITY

After escaping the wild ox
The wild cow asked me if I was OK
I said yes and then
The wild bull gored me
These are my last words
I just wanted you to know them.

GREED

He longs to catch the fox and make it into a stole
He already imagines it around his neck
while the fox imagines marrying and settling down
with a beautiful woman in a house made of pine.

MORALS

I snuck onto my neighbor’s property and stole his house
and while I did
My neighbor snuck onto my property and stole my house


My mother was naked in the river, still.


SPRING

Summer is filled with small ears the size of hummingbirds fingers
Wait they don’t have fingers yes they do but they are exceedingly
small in summer and by winter they turn into snow.

Thursday, July 07, 2016

I am reading a book about a man from England who goes to Belgium and falls in love with his student and she runs away and he follows her and finds her in a graveyard weeping for her mother and as I read it in a bar waiting to hear a jazz band I ask for a Belgian beer and they say they don’t have one but they do have one that tastes like a Belgian beer made in America and so I buy that instead and I listen to the jazz band and drink the beer and take a walk to the graveyard to see if she is still there.


Wednesday, July 06, 2016

SURVEY OF A THERMOMETER

It reads 81.
It reads 95.
It has blue ink.
It has red ink.
It was made in Ohio.
A man name Phil made it.

It reads 96.


SURVEY OF JAPAN

One tsunami

Many ghosts

Many taxi cabs

Seven ghosts in cabs

Cabs without ghosts


Water


SURVEY OF MUSIC IN 1967

Pillows
Fudge

Velvet

Doors

Prunes

Faces

Gravy

Clambake

Gears

Bathing

Tangerine

Honey

Magic


Trogglodynamite


I saw a man in a light pink shirt resting against a fire hydrant.
Big deal, you say. And you’re going to write about it?
Yes I am. Because this man, who I now think of as Pinky
Oh by the way I should mention I saw him while riding my bicycle

This man, Pinky, smiled at me which people do sometimes as they pass by
Although in this case I was on my bicycle so I was passing by quite quickly
And yet in this tiny amount of time he smiled and nodded three times

Which made me think we must be in agreement about something I mean he nodded
But what? I know that before I passed him by I smiled back at him and so I think 
That we were both in agreement that rather than look at the ground as I passed by
We would both look at each other and smile and that we both were thinking Hey! ‘

This world isn’t so bad! In fact, standing here as I am, and going by quickly as you are
It’s quite a good world! Which is something worth at least three nods and a pink shirt

A fire hydrant and maybe even a movie and a make-out session with someone you love
 Also – did I mention the bicycle? 


STARS

People think stars are beautiful but I don’t. I think they have pistols and ammo belts and charge around the sky on humongous frothy horses and hoop and holler and shoot off their pistols and wear big-ass sombreros which is funny because they are not even from Mexico. Well, some are. The others buy their sombreros in the tiendas when they are on holiday in Mexico. And some wear homburgs in New York City. And some are naked in my dreams. They’re my favorites. I love them.


Sunday, July 03, 2016

THE REAL NAME OF THE A & P

was: “The Atlantic & Pacific Tea Company.”
When I read its name I wanted to drink tea.
And so I started drinking tea. And then I moved
to the South and started drinking sweet tea.
And then I peed blood and the doctor said:
“You’ve got kidney stones and you have to 
stop drinking sweet tea.” And so I married 
a girl named Bethy. I think of Bethy now, 
her face covered with funnel cake, her lips 
so tender, underneath a summer moon 

was Bethy, her neck so white and soft.


MY FAVORITE STORY ABOUT AUSTRALIA AFTER THE GREAT WAR

In the late 1960s Wham-O made a "giant" Super Ball, roughly the size of a bowling ball, as a promotional stunt. It fell from the 23rd story window (some reports say the roof) of an Australian hotel and destroyed a parked convertible car on the second bounce.


Sunday, June 26, 2016

How sharp and unpleasant the telephone ring was on Paul Bowles’ telephone as it rang and rang! and so he cut the telephone cord with a wire cutter that you can pick up at any hardware store or even lumber store such as Fitch Lumber here in town although you cannot expect a sale price because now they are promoting tick and bedbug remedy since it is summer whereas a few months ago they had a sale on little chicken eggs for Easter.

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