Wednesday, October 04, 2017

HELLO YOURSELF

I spent several hours today trying to find recordings of old movie stars saying hello. It is much more difficult than you might think. After a while, I tried singers, but that was also difficult. I decided that perhaps if I broadened it to bankers and car mechanics and soda jerks and policemen and store clerks that it might be easier, but it wasn’t. I looked out in the street to see if there were any children playing, or perhaps a crossing guard, but no. I even considered traveling, perhaps abroad, but that would be an awful lot of work for all I really needed, which was a hello, and what if they said hello in French? Finally I gave up and went downstairs and turned on the tape recorder and just plain said HELLO myself. The next thing I heard was: How are you? And then, just around the corner, the moon.

A POEM ABOUT TUNISIA

I bought a present for you five years ago
and it finally arrived today but now you live
in Tunisia.* (**) (***)


* The language of Tunisia is known as “Tounsi.” Doesn’t that sound like the name of a teacup poodle? They are too small.
** Tounsi also sounds like a dance. An old dance like “The Watusi.” I imagine a really nice shindig and everybody is drinking cocktails.
*** By “Tunisia” I mean who knows where you are. Could be Tunisia for all I know. Tunisia is a way of saying: ? You are in Tunisia. Oh, how you love Tunisia. 

Tuesday, October 03, 2017

This witch was on television and she was beautiful and she played an electric guitar but only for one day that day in which she 
posed in front of a camera for a magazine. 


I am guessing that was 1966. And I am almost certain she had no idea that someone would be looking at her in these lovely bright beautiful clothes and also smiling about how different the world was then and perhaps in a way how much more beautiful and sweet and foolish because now it is 2017 but in fact that is what happened just the other day.

You might be the only person thinking these thoughts even though they are not unusual thoughts but only because you might be the only one looking at this photograph now, somewhat wistfully.  


If there is a magic to 2017, though, it is that you can take this photograph and all the wonderful thoughts it brings to your heart and put it and them on a computer and let everyone feel this in their hearts too. So in a way, there is something beautiful about the present, but it is of course partially about what it can do for us by bringing us the past, and whatever the past brings us and often does that by surprise. And it’s all because of the computers, that one day we never knew.

Saturday, September 23, 2017


Louis XV became King of France when all the grown ups died of smallpox and heartbreak.

He was betrothed to what would not be his future wife at 11 and she was 3 at the time and he did not find her very interesting. Her name was Maria and eventually he did not marry her but married Marie instead. She was plain and wholesome and her father was deposed in Poland.

Louis was a handsome young man but his chin became pudgy. A crazy person tried to kill him with a knife but did not (because Louis wore thick clothes.) He cheated on Marie which was terrible but the good news is that he cheated on her with Madame de Pompadour, who was as great as she sounds and loved arty things and did good things for France they say.

Louis had several children including Louis and his daughter who I want to mention. Her name was Adélaïde just like my Aunt Adelaide only she didn’t have accent marks on her name and she smoked cigarettes and wore crazy hats in a little town in Florida.

Louis wasn’t a very good King and he lived a pretty long time and he liked to go to brothels and sigh.

Once I saw a painting of Louis and he was wearing armor coverlettes and he looked cool.

When Louis died he died of smallpox which happened a lot those days and his heart was not cut out and put into a special coffer with gold and rubies like his father but his body was soaked in quicklime instead and buried in a small box. Warning: quicklime sounds delicious but it’s really gross. Don’t eat it.

Conclusion:

Louis didn’t do many good things for France, but there was the Seven Year War and Louis XVI and Versailles and wigs and brothels Marie and Madame Pompadour who I mentioned recently (see above.)


THE END

Sunday, July 02, 2017

THE LIFESAVER POEMS
















NOSTALGIA

When you think about it,
everything is the color of
a Lifesaver.

••

THRIFT

Think of all the money they saved
by putting a little hole in a lifesaver.
And think of all the lives they saved


by putting a hole in a life saver.


Tuesday, May 09, 2017

TUESDAY


Every time I put on Guerlain cologne, which is both fancy and French, I think of the time that I stood outside a nightclub next to a woman quickly moved to the other side of the building. “I can’t stand that cologne that someone is wearing!” she said to her friend. 

That someone was me and I was her friend.

Monday, February 20, 2017

THE INTERESTING LIFE OF FRANÇOIS SAGAN


  1. Stole her name from Proust.
  2. Was expelled from the convent for “Deep lack of spirituality.”
  3. Was called “The charming little monster.”
  4. Wrote BONJOUR TRISTESSE at 18 about “a pleasure-driven 17 year old named Cécile.”
  5. Married a playboy and “would-be ceramicist.”
  6. Liked to spend time with Truman Capote.
  7. And Ava Gardner.
  8. Crashed her Aston-Martin, coma.
  9. Got better and drove her Jaguar to Monte Carlo to gamble.
  10. Had an affair with Bernard Frank, a married essayist obsessed with reading and eating.
  11. Had an affair with French Playboy editor Annick Geille.
  12. When police inspected her house, her dog Banko showed them her cocaine.
  13. Banko licked the cocaine. “He seems to like it,” the police said.
  14. Said: “A dress makes no sense unless it inspires men to want to take it off you."
  15. Wrote her own obituary:

Appeared in 1954 with a slender novel, Bonjour Tristesse, which created a scandal worldwide. Her death, after a life and a body of work that were equally pleasant and botched, was a scandal only for herself.

Monday, January 23, 2017

A SIMPLE THOUGHT

As I see everyone getting older, 
I know that soon enough I will
miss the old fashioned ladies
that we knew when we were
young. All that makeup and 
all those floral dresses and 
bonnets and perfume
and knitting needles
and cups of tea and
little stale cookies.

I wish I could say
something more,
but what more can 
you say when they 
are gone?  I think
they are gone

already.

Tuesday, January 03, 2017

MY TELEPHONE

While watching a film about an abandoned ranch in southern California, it occurred to me that the house I live in now is different from every other house I have ever occupied in one regard: I no longer own a telephone. In every house I have ever lived in, I had to make an accommodation for an object that was about nine inches wide by ten long, and about inches five deep, weighing three or so pounds. As I look at this house I have to speculate as to where I would put an object like that now. Most likely on my desk in the living room, to my left, so that I would not get tangled up in wire when I answered it. In that space today is a wind-up bull (origin unknown), a small wire wind-up figure (origin unknown), and immediately in front,  Dr. Johnson’s Potpourri of some 4000 of the most Entertaining and Historically Stimulating English Words (a gift, but I am uncertain from whom.) 


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