Sunday, July 02, 2017



When you think about it,
everything is the color of
a Lifesaver.



Think of all the money they saved
by putting a little hole in a lifesaver.
And think of all the lives they saved

by putting a hole in a life saver.

Tuesday, May 09, 2017


Every time I put on Guerlain cologne, which is both fancy and French, I think of the time that I stood outside a nightclub next to a woman quickly moved to the other side of the building. “I can’t stand that cologne that someone is wearing!” she said to her friend. 

That someone was me and I was her friend.

Monday, February 20, 2017


  1. Stole her name from Proust.
  2. Was expelled from the convent for “Deep lack of spirituality.”
  3. Was called “The charming little monster.”
  4. Wrote BONJOUR TRISTESSE at 18 about “a pleasure-driven 17 year old named Cécile.”
  5. Married a playboy and “would-be ceramicist.”
  6. Liked to spend time with Truman Capote.
  7. And Ava Gardner.
  8. Crashed her Aston-Martin, coma.
  9. Got better and drove her Jaguar to Monte Carlo to gamble.
  10. Had an affair with Bernard Frank, a married essayist obsessed with reading and eating.
  11. Had an affair with French Playboy editor Annick Geille.
  12. When police inspected her house, her dog Banko showed them her cocaine.
  13. Banko licked the cocaine. “He seems to like it,” the police said.
  14. Said: “A dress makes no sense unless it inspires men to want to take it off you."
  15. Wrote her own obituary:

Appeared in 1954 with a slender novel, Bonjour Tristesse, which created a scandal worldwide. Her death, after a life and a body of work that were equally pleasant and botched, was a scandal only for herself.

Monday, January 23, 2017


As I see everyone getting older, 
I know that soon enough I will
miss the old fashioned ladies
that we knew when we were
young. All that makeup and 
all those floral dresses and 
bonnets and perfume
and knitting needles
and cups of tea and
little stale cookies.

I wish I could say
something more,
but what more can 
you say when they 
are gone?  I think
they are gone


Tuesday, January 03, 2017


While watching a film about an abandoned ranch in southern California, it occurred to me that the house I live in now is different from every other house I have ever occupied in one regard: I no longer own a telephone. In every house I have ever lived in, I had to make an accommodation for an object that was about nine inches wide by ten long, and about inches five deep, weighing three or so pounds. As I look at this house I have to speculate as to where I would put an object like that now. Most likely on my desk in the living room, to my left, so that I would not get tangled up in wire when I answered it. In that space today is a wind-up bull (origin unknown), a small wire wind-up figure (origin unknown), and immediately in front,  Dr. Johnson’s Potpourri of some 4000 of the most Entertaining and Historically Stimulating English Words (a gift, but I am uncertain from whom.) 

Saturday, December 31, 2016


I just smiled and stepped out of the photo and did everything you can do at four until I was five and someone said: “It’s time to stop time again.”

Saturday, December 03, 2016

When Oliver Hardy kicked a football, it went down five flights of stairs and hit a man right in the head and his hair fell forward and he looked just like one of the Beatles! Although his hair was somewhat sandy, which reminded me more of the Beach Boys’ Dennis Wilson, and he was angry, because of the football, which reminds me of my great grandmother, Ignatia, who detested football in all its forms, mostly because, she hated everything, which makes me laugh now. Oh thank you Grandmommy, for making me laugh this rainy day in December! Although it isn’t raining yet. It probably really won’t. But sometimes you just get this feeling in your bones. I remember the Beach Boys said this in one of their songs. I forget who sang it – I think the dead one.

There was a swirly stripe on the tri-colored lollipop that I used to buy at the zoo that was the exact same color as the letter border on my bank portfolio from Delaware that arrived in the mail today even though I threw it in the trash compactor after I thought about it, once I looked at it, right before I got home and checked my bank balance.

Thursday, December 01, 2016


There’s a small barber shop in a small town in New York where it is almost impossible to get a shave. Men line up for hours in advance and stay there throughout the day waiting for a shave. When there are hurricanes, they hold onto street signs and cover themselves with sheets of plastic or canvas. When it snows, they wear warm mufflers and drink thermoses filled with hot cocoa. In the springtime, they enjoy the May blossoms but they are often sneezing and wheezing to beat the band. The summers, however, are perfectly fine. In this town, it never gets terribly hot in the summer, and so waiting for a shave can be a pleasant experience in July, or even August, particularly if there is someone next to you in line who is a good conversationalist and the thermos that you usually use for hot cocoa is filled with lemonade. Not brandy. But brandy can be nice when you are talking about the weather. Still –

Getting a shave when you are drunk is a terrible thing.

You should do it once in your life.

But not twice.

Once is classy.

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