Thursday, July 09, 2009


It’s not like I haven’t seen a 4th of July before.

I’ve seen so many that I could scream. Like yes, one of those on the 4th of July.

And so today, I choose to have another kind of 4th of July.

I am going to cut my hair so that it stands up straight and flat like a golf course putting green across the top width of my skull.

Next: a moustache. Nice big space beneath my septum will have no moustache right there.

And so instead of looking at my moustache when you look there and see nothing you can look down at my yellow tie (located beneath the septum under the neck) which is thin and canary-perfect, but gentle, unlike the common and so called ‘domesticated,’ annoying canaries. 

Yes, I have throttled with vigor and ultimately killed completely a few of those odious beasts in moments of pique and grief as have so many with just cause.

Since you think you know so much and are so good and human try owning one and see what happens I dare you.

I will even buy one for you and then we’ll see what’s what.

And then, well then, here’s what I plan on doing next. 

I mean, I will compose what I plan on doing in a song. 

I will sing it from the mountain tops in my suit and yellow tie.

My apartment is four hours from the mountains.

My brown suit the color of a brown M + M piece of candy.

Imagine my M + Ms on top of the mountain.

OK I think instead I will sing it at the water’s edge on the beach.

It’s only two hours away with all the fucking seagulls there.

Noisy, and filthy, too.

It is called ALL BY MYSELF and it goes like this.

Hold on. You want to know why it is called  ALL BY MYSELF.

It’s called ALL BY MYSELF because that’s what I want to call it.

But for the record, back when I was a baby, Fats Domino, that guy, made an album called STOMPIN’ and all the songs had titles that made a great poem if you didn’t listen to them but just read them one after the other after the other and so on. 

The first song was called ALL BY MYSELF.

I like to mash them all together in one big lump. STOMPIN’: ALL BY MYSELF.

Right now, I am ALL BY MYSELF. I am sitting in a dumb chair.

I do not honestly believe that Fats Domino was ever that (all by himself, even though he was a man of generous preportions but undeniable charm and a silky, 20 year tawny voice to match.)

I am, though. For all eternity. 

All by myself.

Here I go.


Don’t blame it on me
Are you going my way?
Be my guest
Along the Navajo Trail
Every night
She’s my baby
My teenage love (that)
I Stomp Like A Domino *
Why? **
Because I can’t give you
anything. It makes me angry, ***
I can’t give you anything
But love

I have never sung anything truer in my life.

As people love to say, that means nothing.

I don’t care very much.

Watch me go to the barber.

Watch me go to the pet store.

And off to the mountains I go.

With a song in my heart.

I am going and I am going to do it. 

I’m not kidding.


I went.

* go, fats, go!

** I added this, I had to.

*** I added this, I wanted to.

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