WHEN CAPTAIN AMERICA THROWS HIS MIGHTY SHIELD ALL THOSE WHO OPPOSE HIS MIGHTY SHIELD MUST YIELD

Recently I read in the newspaper that the Red Skull had returned, and that Captain America again would take up the challenge. Those were actually almost Captain America's exact words. He said, "So–the Red Skull returns! Then Captain America again takes up his challenge." He said it to his sidekick, Bucky, who replied, "And don't forget me, Cap–I'm in on this!" This is a nice thought, sure. It's good to have someone who helps you to take up challenges. Friends are great to have–they can really help. Still, the problem, as I see it, is that Bucky, when standing straight with his spine erect, just barely reaches Captain America's breastbone. His head is just a little bit larger than the white star on his shield. The green comfy chair in the living room could probably fit two Buckies if Bucky were twins, even fraternal twins, unless his sister had very large breasts. His muscles don't look particularly big, and he smiles a lot and his shoulders seem a tad soft. His hair is a little orangey. And his yellow collar doesn't go well with his red, white and blue outfit. I will get right to the point: if you are large and menacing and evil and your skull is red and your best friend is Adolf Hitler and one of those lugers, you are not going to be frightened by anyone who could easily rest in one half or less of a green comfy chair next to his medium-breasted twin sister before he rose out of the chair to fight you to the death, which would probably be his own death, and frankly there is nothing more hideous than evil laughter reverberating from a red skull in a newspaper from 1942 even if it the newspaper is in a moldy trunk in an attic immediately following the death of an enthustiastic boy who is a little short with tiny shoulders. It's bad enough out in the open, but in a trunk in an attic with no one around for miles? In New England? On a rainy day with lots of fog? Just more reverberation and evil that way.

all artwork, including monsters but not old timey photographs,
® mr. crispy flotilla, 2007