Monday, January 13, 2014


I use my meat tenderizer to hammer things, like nails and bags of ice. I have never used it to tenderize meat. If someone were to look at my belongings, they would find a meat tenderizer with small silver marks on its head, the kind that you might find if you are using your meat tenderizer for something other than tenderizing meat. That's really what is happening here, because there is no reason to tenderize meat. Here is something I learned: rather than tenderize meat, simply slice the meat in half, saving yourself the fuss and the muss of tenderizing meat. It’s as though you tenderized meat, but you didn’t. And with the time you save, you can hammer many nails into the wall or hammer many bags of ice and look at pictures on the wall and drink cocktails that are cold and delicious. With the time and money that you save, you can look at even more pictures and drink more cold and delicious cocktails. Tenderized meat can be delicious, you think sometimes, especially when you are meditating, or when the room is especially quiet.

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