Sunday, December 29, 2013

EULOGY FOR A FRIEND



He gave to the world until 
all that remained was his
whipped cream bow tie
covered in tutti 
frutti sprinkles
a desk and a 
toothy
pencil

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

They have honey and vanilla and pomegranate and strawberry in them. They also have hibiscus flower and tiny little chunks of apples. Of all these things, I could have only guessed the strawberries. The Lollipop proper reminds me of a garden window in England that might have belonged to Queen Victoria who loved things like Prince Albert and I bet honey and vanilla and pomegranate and anything else groovy, too.

Monday, December 16, 2013

SCHRAFFT'S

Schrafft's is one of those places that I miss although I never went there. I used to love their chocolate peppermints, but I bought them at the cafeteria in Miami Shores. They cost 3 cents and they were delicious. 

Tomorrow I am going to either eat a Frankfurter Roll with Potato Salad and Tomato Aspic or I am going to draw a picture of the wedding of a celery stalk and a hardboiled egg.



P.S. Actually, maybe I went there once.


Sunday, December 15, 2013

DECISIONS


I had almost settled on a title for my next collection (FLESHY METAL PARK) when I overheard two women talking in the crosswalk on my way to purchase biscuits at Neal's.


"It's just like, whatever."

I think I like it.


IT'S JUST LIKE WHATEVER
by Ricky Garni

copyright ® 2014
101 secret wing dings


Maybe this can be the cover.

Saturday, December 14, 2013














I very much wanted to put a circumflex over the 'u' in my series of one-line Eleanor Roosevelt and the Snowball poems. I was not sure if there was a grammatical or historical context for this, and so I looked it up.

I found a few, none of which were entirely convincing, but there was one obscure page that referred ambiguously to Robert Browning (Volume 11) so I figured that was good enough for me.

During her debût, Eleanor Roosevelt wore a fine chiffon dress, snowball-colored, trimmed in emerald green.


As it turns out, there is no circumflex in the above mentioned Robert Browning Volume 11 reference, although there is an accent aigu over the 'e', not 'u.'

During her début, Eleanor Roosevelt wore a fine chiffon dress, snowball-colored, trimmed in emerald green.

THE END

Friday, December 13, 2013

F.


Isn't it odd when you miss someone and you don't have any home movies you can watch but you can always turn on the stereo and listen to them singing?

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

LE BROOM



Once upon a time I decided to speak French. And then suddenly there was a little boy in a blue shirt and blue overalls with a broom attached to his head. His mother picked him up and held him upside down as if to clean. She said, “Tiens-toi droit!” - imploring him to stand up straight as she swept the floor with his unlikely but appealing appendage. This is the first poster I ever saw in France. I saw it at the airport named after Charles De Gaulle, who once opined “A lion is made up of the lambs he digested.”

On the way into Paris from De Gaulle, I realized the following things: the French are very hygienic; the French like to wear blue; the French like to wear overalls; there are more women and small boys in France than men; the women wear purple dresses; the French favor the straight over the crooked; the French do not care for children’s heads; the brooms of France are wide, rich and revered; the broom can be likened to a crew cut; the broom is essentially French; ‘Mon Dieu’ is a term of affection; the French might possibly find life absurd, but in ancient Rome, absurd meant ‘deaf’ even though life is absurd.

I like Russia where men who are absurd starve to death. 

I like France where men are devoured by scrupulously disguised lambs-interiors.

I like the absurd when it is taken seriously as one might take a country or broom.

EXCERPT FROM SOMETHING MUCH LONGER



Here is what I take from flowers:

the brain of a monkey is the perfect marriage of sunflower and rose;

no man who is righteous rings the bell of a misspent daisy;

the pom pom is a cabbage ravaged by time and frisky with desire;

people are fire torn to ribbons;

the skull is a ball not intended for child’s play;

and finally,

pumpkin.

A FAYE HUNTER STORY ON MY BIRTHDAY

I have two cars and they are both grey and one is named after a planet and the other is named after something called HONDA. Perhaps that was in a John Wayne movie; it sounds familiar that way.

The Honda I call Honda but I have called the other "The Fayemobile" for some time now. That's because I only used it to see Faye. It was my long distance traveler. Not that long a distance, though. Faye was very close, about eighty miles. I saw her every week or so.

The exact length of time that it took to reach her house was one episode of Alec Baldwin's HERE'S THE THING and two or three songs. I often listened to songs of Faye's because that was more fun than anything.

I never listened to her on the way back. If I did, I might have made a U-turn on the highway which is completely illegal.

My question is: how can I ever sell my Fayemobile? I can't see doing that. I shouldn't have named it that. I should have just named it Saturn. We talked about selling all four cars (she had two) and buying a Fiat 500. We were both excited about that. I bet we never would have agreed upon a color, until Faye suggested one and got all excited about it and I would then say "Great!"

Of course I wouldn't be saying it was a great color, just that her getting all excited is great. Still, the girl had wonderful taste, far better than me. Whatever she chose would have been great, so great it would be.

The Fayemobile is covered in sleet. That makes me sadder than ever.

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

SAM


I am enjoying Sam Shepard a lot lately. How about you?


I am thinking far too much about Sam Shepard lately / He sure has had a wonderful life / Although in SHEPARD & DARK, he says “My life’s falling apart" / I haven’t seen that movie yet / I don’t see why his life should be falling apart / After all, he was Patti Smith’s boyfriend / Maybe that wasn’t so good / But he was also Jessica Lange’s boyfriend / How could that be bad? / Although it could be depressing / I say that because I have seen / a number of Jessica Lange movies...

etc. etc.

Monday, December 09, 2013

FLESHY METAL PARK

Starting a new book again. I thought I might call this one FLESHY METAL PARK after something I think I heard incorrectly in a Dee Dee Ramone documentary. Really, I just turned it on to see which Ramone he was. He seemed like a decent guy, although a little punky. 
How strange to think that the longest conversations I have now are with Faye. Well, that's been true for a few years now, but it's more surprising these days.

Saturday, December 07, 2013

CLEVERBOT


CONSUELO BARENJENA

Recently I submitted a poem for publication under the pseudonym 'Consuelo.' I used 'Consuelo' because I thought it had a slightly foolish yet endearing yet delightful quality to it, and remembered (slightly) that it meant 'comfort' or 'consolation' which I thought was endearing. What word could I possibly pair with it for a Christian name? It had to be potent yet foolish, whimsical yet lyrical, foppish yet vegetal. I considered for a few moments and then finally I looked up the word for 'eggplant.'

I have eaten eggplant once. It was in a restaurant and they served it sprinkled with sesame seeds and something a little oily.

I changed it eventually to 'Consuela' because I wanted it to be a girl.




I bought two rubber pigs today. 

When you squeeze their tummies they make funny sounds. 

If you squeeze them just right, they start to laugh.
If you squeeze them really gently they start to sigh and say, 
“I wish I could tell you how good that makes me feel.”


Friday, December 06, 2013

IF I HAD DIED AT 54, I WOULD NEVER HAVE KNOWN THAT F SCOTT FITZGERALD HAD A RIBALD SENSE OF HUMOR


Or maybe he was just really sad. What else can explain his turkey recipe with old watches, monkey meat, blown up with a bicycle pump and wrapped in flypaper?

Only a very funny sad man could say such a thing. His humor is blond hair wrapped in a blonde passport stamped into oblivion bitters and sent to a beautiful almost. That’s what they always say in Minnesota. This country makes you fish for words and fish for fish. 

http://www.listsofnote.com/2012/04/f-scott-fitzgeralds-turkey-recipes.html

WEDDING CAPER


I threw the wedding out the window.

It broke like a xylophone.
I know, what does that mean?
If you haven’t experienced this, I can’t explain it.
Go to the store and buy a wedding.
Go into the woods and find a xylophone.
Go to heaven after you are dead and buy a building.
Wake up.
Bring the building back to where there’s a building space.
Don’t worry.
It’s yours now so you can walk up the stairs.
With the wedding on your back.
Out you go, from the second floor, wedding!
Did you remember to tie the xylophone to it?
I bet you didn’t.
Start over.
I hear music.
Could it be I’m falling in love?
Fall in love.
Say: will you marry me?

Tuesday, December 03, 2013


HEY is super available now and all the more so right now since the publisher is offering a 30% discount until good ol' December 5th at midnight.

HEY is 400 whoppin' pages of poetry. If you don't like any of them, I will be sad. Blank pages don't count. Tell me a story. A pretty story.

http://www.lulu.com/shop/ricky-garni/hey/paperback/product-21330242.html

and the coupon code is thus: LULUVIP598982

No profits are made from this book. Isn't that nice? In the spirit of Faye Hunter, to whom this volume is eternally dedicated.




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