Thursday, October 27, 2011

DEAR MARGARET TATE

Dear Margaret Tate,

I have enjoyed living at Apartment B-35 since 2001, but I just thought that you should know that THE PEANUT ROASTER is still thinking of you. They want you to buy their signature nut gifts, including but not limited to the Old-Fashioned Peanut Squares, the Hot Honey Peanuts, the Golden Gourmets and the Jalapenos. Me, I can’t decide which one I would buy - they all look scrumptious! But since this mailing is addressed to you right here at Apartment B-35, I feel that it would be irresponsible not to pass it along to you, Margaret Tate, the rightful recipient and former tenant, Apartment B-35. Since I don’t know where you live now, and since Joan Whitney lived in Apartment B-35 from 1990 until 2001, and since you lived in Apartment B-35 before Joan Whitney, and even perhaps before John Cadwallader did and Henry Gibbons before him, I will do the only thing I can do, and send this letter addressed to you, Margaret Tate / Apartment B-35 / USA and hope for the best. If you receive it, please do tell me that it has arrived and then I will know you are a ghost or spectre living in Heaven, Apartment B-35. If you are a ghost or spectre living in Heaven, Apartment B-35, please let me offer you my congratulations! I am proud and frankly, a little envious. And if you still enjoy The Peanut Roaster, I would suggest an order that includes the Golden Gourmets. I don’t think you will find a tastier treat anywhere on earth. The Peanut Roaster swears to God on that.

Sincerely,

Ricky / Apartment B-35 / USA
2011

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