Thursday, September 08, 2011


a metaphor in the key of jay

What is the J Train?

J stands for a JABOT when you want to wear something frilly ON THE TRAIN.

J stands for JACENT for when you lie prone flat and sluggish; the TRAIN IS LATE.

J stands for JACINTHE your skin tone of orange for YOU LOVE TRAINS hence you are orangey with this love feeling of trains.

J stands for leaving momma BY TRAIN because she called you a JACKANAPES, which you are, and an insolent rascal to boot, you rapscallion.

J stands for JACUATION as you bring forth your exaltations you are happy to be ABOARD A TRAIN screaming and naked save for your Garanimals.

J stands for JENNET or NOT A TRAIN but instead a horse jennet and a small one certain to be not as fast as a train unless the train is an old one; the jennet, a new one; the finish line, close.

J stands for JESSAMY a pale jasmine-like yellow that’s the good news. The bad news is that it is describing your no-longer jacinthe orange skin for your love FOR THE TRAIN is fading to a jasmine-like yellow of jessamy.

J stands for the TRAIN, SO COLD that you must don your JIMSWINGER, a fashionable coat of frock to don. If only some of your friends were on the J they would note the piquant a la mode of your natty jimswinger.

J stands for JOBBBERNOWL which none of your friends ON THE TRAIN ARE nor are they jackanapes they are good eggs for it is you who are the jackanape (see “jackanape”, above.) Did I mention juggins? No. A juggin is for certain a type of imbecil. You are the juggin, to be certain. Your friend are nice.

J stands for JOLLYBOAT and everybody needs a jollyboat and every boat needs a jollyboat you will note that I say NOTHING ABOUT WHAT TRAINS NEED.

J stands for JORDAN or chamberpot. Imagine Michael Chamberpot ON A TRAIN. The sun is beginning to set, a wispy pink cloud is upon the horizon. The tinkle of urination. Evening.

J stands for my JOSS my destiny oh fate which it is to know you, OH TRAIN JUST A TRAIN with a J.

J stands for JUMBAL the TRAIN I ATE a thin, crisp sweet cake resembling a train until it was eaten with gusto by my friends NOT ON A TRAIN and then it resembled the contentment of my friends from the inside out.

J stands for the LAW OF ALL TRAINS: JUS. Au jus is composed of that which runs off the roast beef and gives it cafeteria flavor. We live by jus, we live for au jus. We are ON THIS TRAIN or are we yes we are no we’re not.

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