Monday, October 27, 2008

As I thought back to what made me happiest today, it had to be this photograph. Just so you don't wonder about it, I will tell you–it's a screen saver for my computer. But WHAT a screen saver! I cannot tell where the sand ends and the water begins–if that is actually sand, and if that also is actually water. And the sky! It looks just like–a screen saver, but a really wonderful one. One that is as nice as this one-maybe even nicer.

Of course there is barely any horizon, either, just a wisp of black with a grey and white gradient. It almost reminds me of a man's hair turning white. White from grey, that is. I have never thought to ask anyone, but I wonder if watching your hair turn white, from grey, is uneventful. I imagine it must be.

Why do I love this so much? It can't be anything about old men shuffling around forgetting where they live and waiting to die. I think there is something food related that makes it so wonderful. It looks like tapioca, and that is a fact. Tapioca in a sea of unfathomable and infinite loneliness. Or maybe grey ice cream. I wonder which is worse: watching your hair turn white, a sea of loneliness, tapioca, waiting to die, or grey ice cream. I am glad that I don't have to decide.

By the way, this photo wasn't easy to find.

I looked everywhere for this picture in my computer, and here is what I found:

• a construction worker with overly large lips

• a sun and moon mask, with an expression of vague indifference, almost haughty, vanitieux

• an assortment of photographs of black and white grapes

• 'Nice and Sleazy' by the Stranglers. Now there's a nice song

Then I tried a better key word. 'Pier.' And then I found:

• Étude Aux Chemins De Fer–whatever the hell that is. It's not about shirts, though, that's for sure.

• A list of things to do, ten years old

• a poem about taxis

• and, for some reason, every rough draft of everything I have ever written.

Finally, though, I found this very photograph. I know I shouldn't, but I have been looking at it for hours. I know I have other things to do–One thing that comes to mind is that I have to find the perfect transparency of a sizing chart for kimonos to overlay on a photograph of a sad eyed girl in a burgundy backdrop, for example. More on that in a while. Maybe after a cigarette. I am thinking of taking up cigarettes. I can't help myself: this picture is that good!

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