Tuesday, February 22, 2011

SHANDY


I don’t think that the Shandy
is named after Tristram Shandy,
but it is beer and chilled
ginger beer. In Germany,
it is known as a Cyclist.
The Turbo Shandy has something
called alcopop in it, while
elsewhere, perhaps Slovenia,
it is a Red Witch.

Berlin speaks of weisse
or wheat beer with a ribbon
of alcohol, while Bavaria
reveals the goat stein,
with weizen beer and cola with
a shot of cherry schnapps. Dr.


Pepper Shandy has a bit of
amaretto and The Tango is
mixed with Brause. Argentina is
fond of Fanta, but they are not
the only ones: Chile’s Fan Schop
by definition uses Fanta, but unlike
Argentina, it is orange. Meanwhile,

When Spain speaks of Clara, it is no one
you know: it refers to beer mixed with sweet,
clear carbonated lemonade. It can be called
Panache in France, but only Spain speaks
of sweet, cold, clear lemonade. And Spain
says nothing of Panache, but France certainly
does. And when I moved to France and got

myself married, I had no children, but I was
happy. Happy I tell you. I made the right decision
and I am happy I went.

THE POINT OF LEAVING PETER MAX ON THE TABLE


I thought we were at the point where I would recommend something to you like the Peter Max issue of LIFE magazine from 1970 and you would just sigh and go upstairs and take a nap, I would do my work, mostly unimportant work, and look up and see the Peter Max issue on the table right where I left it but I looked up from my work and it’s gone! You took it upstairs with you and maybe you read it so we are not at that point yet. Right now I want to go upstairs and take a nap with you so much I can hardly stand it.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Friday, February 11, 2011

FOOTNOTE TO A POEM ABOUT HAM

Potée berrichone is French Ham and bean stew. They use the pig knuckle. Eek. You wake up and you say where am I? And they say you are in France. Eek! What is that? you ask. They say, Why, that’s Potée berrichone, mon cherie. You say, I bet you’ve never seen me wiggle my toe. They say Non, never the wiggle toe.

Sunday, February 06, 2011

ISAAC HAYES IS THE FOUNDER OF THE ISAAC HAYES FOUNDATION WHICH IS DEDICATED TO HELPING THE VULNERABLE POPULATION


Boy, listening to Isaac Hayes on Sunday morning makes me laugh.

I used to laugh because I knew in my heart that I was not Isaac Hayes.

I used to make fun of him, all of that SHAFT and Black Private Dick stuff and Just Talkin’ ‘Bout Shaft and Sex Machine To All The Chicks and Black Moses and Hot Buttered Soul junk.

Isaac Hayes used to hang out with 6’ 2” 232 lb. Exciting Cleveland Brown Running Back Jim Brown when they starred together in I’M GONNA GET YOU SUCKA.

Isaac Hayes worked in a meat packing plant in Memphis.

Isaac Hayes looked great in leather and feathers and chains.

Who is the man who will risk his life for rubber bands? is not what he really said. He said: brother man.

I used to laugh although really in my heart I thought Wouldn’t it be nice to be Isaac Hayes for just one day?

Or one night? Say, for instance, Saturday?

It was really easy to laugh, to hide my insecurity, my hot buttered insecurity.

But now that forty years have passed, I laugh because I remember that I really thought maybe, just maybe, I would actually grow up to be Isaac Hayes.

Looking at myself now, in the mirror, my better half, I laugh.

Do you remember those cartoons where someone laughs while looking at the mirror and the mirror doesn’t laugh back?

Or when the princess goes to sleep and never comes back to life or if she does you never knew it because you left the theater before she had the chance?

Tuesday, February 01, 2011

BENEDICTION

You will never know what lilies mean
if you have a kind heart, are not at all
curious, have friends who are alive
and enjoy looking at the clouds when
you should be doing your homework
about clouds and clouds and clouds
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