Tuesday, March 30, 2010

TODAY! IN THE NEWS!!!


An incredibly lucky carpenter came within one-eighth of an inch of being a dead man–when he accidentally shot himself in the heart with a nail!

I think I’ve been shot! construction worker Brett Cruz told his boss seconds after the nail gun discharged as he put it down sending a 4 inch nail into the wall of his heart!

Coworkers said they could see the head of the nail pulsating from his heartbeat!

The crew leader and another worker put Cruz into a pickup truck and sped him to Baptist Northeast Hospital in San Antonio Texas!

While we are waiting to see what becomes of him lets think about the name Bret for a moment!

Bret by the way is not a very interesting name!  Its originally a Celtic name and it means coming from Brittany!

Variations of the spelling of Bret include Brett! And Brit!

Once there was a person named Brett who played football! In Wisconsin! He was the most famous Brett ever!

Bret almost sounds like Brack!, as in: brackish water!

You could say that Bret sounds like Brittany as in Brittany Spears, but it doesn’t! If you said it did, you would just be fooling yourself!

Bret Cruz is a slightly more interesting name than just Bret alone! because it sounds sort of like a pen name and Cruz sounds like cruise! It’s like someone cruising the streets looking for some sweet tastin’ honey coochie! A real fucking whore!

Still there are more interesting Bret names than Bret Cruz! I am particularly fond of Brett Rasmussen! Bret Doty! and Bret Ramsey! which sounds like the prophylactic but is spelled differently...than the prophylactic!

Interesting facts not about Bret but about Ramses prophylactics!: They were named after the Egyptian Pharoh Ramses II who reportedly fathered 160 children! 160! Children!



Ramses are available for purchase in the Durex Fiesta Condom Sampler 144 count jar!

The assortment fun pack includes Performax Maximum Love! Intense Sensation!! and Extra Sensitive!!!

They are also available in Sensitol! Lubricated Sensitol!! Spermicidal (!!!) and Thin Mince. Thin Mince!!!!

Make no mistake about it, when it comes to maximum sensitivity and pleasure in lovemaking nothing beats Ramses Brand Prophylactics!!!!!

People named Bret buy Ramses Prophylactics with confidence! At the convenience store! All the time!!

Bret Cruz never lost consciousness as he was taken to the hospital but felt himself getting weaker as the wound bled internally and the sun began to set on the parched desert landscape said his mother, Dottie Cary.

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