Friday, August 31, 2007

JULY PROSE POEM, HASTILY ASSEMBLED DURING THE LAST FIVE MINUTES OF AUGUST

BASIN D’ARGENTEUIL

I like to think the day ended for Monet today with my laughter. But if it did, it ended for only the smallest part of Monet. The part that you find in the reproduction of ‘Basin d’Argenteuil’ that hangs in the bathroom at the Tanglewood Motel in Conway, New Hampshire, Cottage #9. How much of Claude Monet is there in this painting? Well, it’s a reproduction–there’s probably a thousand of them and ‘Basin’ probably represents about 1/1000th of Monet’s painterly output. And so if you do the multiplication correctly, you could say that it’s 1,000,000th part Claude Monet here. But it’s all Claude Monet. 100% Claude. And I’m here, too. 100% of me. Between the two of us, we are 200% here. And in Basin there is a little white flower that explodes like the Fourth of July. Why not? It almost is the Fourth of July – a time which explodes like love – everywhere – even in Conway, where there are steep mountains and lots of mosquitos.

And if there were no flowers here, no Basin, exploding like love, like the Fourth of July, and instead it was only me here, with a tug boat and a bunch of mosquitos, but let’s say I was in love here, then I would be more here still than Claude Monet. 1,000,000th part me? No. But 100% me? No. Less than that. In love I would be at least 94% here. 94% is good. 94% would qualify for being so here I that I am looking for white flowers along the highways, committed to eternity at times by Claude Monet, for the most part, even when the smallest part, which tend to be ghostly, like a white flower, falling in love with a painting.

all artwork, including monsters but not old timey photographs,
® mr. crispy flotilla, 2007

QUERY ATTENDED TO, by CRISPY

In my profession, I am often asked: "Crispy, what would happen if you took an ordinary wine glass–nothing too fancy–and broke it into distinctively shaped, cube-like parts that were magenta, or perhaps more purplish and green, and while those parts would be more apparent at first viewing, upon careful inspection it would appear that the original glass remained intact, though magenta or purplish and green, and all the less ordinary for it?"

all artwork, including monsters but not old timey photographs,
® mr. crispy flotilla, 2007

Sunday, August 26, 2007

WHAT CRISPY DOES WITH TOMATOES WHEN THE SEASON BEGINS TO PASS AND HE DWELLS ON BOTH THE MORTALITY OF THE TOMATO AS WELL AS THE MORTALITY OF OTHERS

When my friend Mo was lamenting the tomatoes that she would not be able to eat because she was going to be leave a place that had tomatoes and go to a place that did not have tomatoes and would return to tomatoes after excellent tomatoes were no more, I suggested that she embrace the season that doesn't really have tomatoes and make a recipe that calls for tomatoes ordinare, or, as they are called in Eastern Europe, "Pommes Bourgeois-Trotskyite". Here is one such recipe:

RECIPE FOR TOMATOES LONG AFTER TOMATOES HAVE SHUFFLED OFF THEIR MORTAL COIL AND ACHIEVED THE NATIVE HUE OF RESOLUTION

Ingredients

• One batard
• Smoked mozzarella (cut into thin slices)
• Tomatoes that are saying goodbye
• Greek oregano
• Basil
• Olive oil
• Black pepper

NOW THEN:

Cut the batard into slices and grill the bottoms in olive oil until 'golden brown' (you know, just like McDonalds.) Halve the tomatoes, brush them with olive oil and roast them in the oven (until what have you.) Then chop the mighty hot tomatoes into little choppy bits and place them on the batards slices, and then cover them with the smoked mozzarella, a little olive oil (I don't know why) and crushed black pepper. Broil the batards in the oven until, well, you know, and then remove them with great caution, being careful to use a reliable pair of oven mitts and not watching the television while you are removing them from the oven, and place dainty amounts of chopped oregano and basil on top. Goes great with vaguely frothy American beers like Hennepin.

I guess you could call this 'pizza.' I call it 'Recipe That Burnt My Hands Because of my Bad & Unreliable Oven Mitts and the Loud Television Programs.'


all artwork, including monsters but not old timey photographs,
® mr. crispy flotilla, 2007

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

IT'S BEEN REALLY TOO LONG

About a year ago, I decided that I should be prepared in case I decided to write a variety of different books with a number of different titles. Since cover art is, I feel, the most difficult aspect of writing a book, I thought it would be good to make a number of covers in advance with titles that I would most likely use for future books. As I thought about it, the first and most obvious title I could think of was ONLY. And so I now have a cover for my new book called ONLY in case I ever decide to write a book called ONLY. I don't think I probably will. But it's a nice cover. You know, REM used to play music using the name HORNETS ATTACK VICTOR MATURE. That would be an even better title than ONLY I think, but I have tried to capture the essence of Victor Mature in the past, and I have failed. And hornets are too small and too mean to draw I think. Although I have never been attacked by a hornet, I understand that this is not the case with Victor Mature.

all artwork, including monsters but not old timey photographs,
® mr. crispy flotilla, 2007

WHILE PERUSING THE PERIODICALS

Recently I have been thinking about advertising. Not as a profession, but just the internal workings. In a recent bicycling publication, I noticed that there was a fleeting mention of 'Moots' titanium bicycles in an article on the left page, and then, no surprise, an advertisement for Moots Bicycles on the right hand page, one up, as they say. I imagine I am more sensitive to these connections with bicycles because I tend to look at them more often than many other objects. But then I began to wonder if the same associative pairings exist with all subjects of commerce and general interest. For example, it certainly would be difficult to find many mentions of 'Mento' breath mints in, say, an interview with a world champion hang glider, but across the way you might very well find an ad for Mentos, which are very refreshing, by the way. And so I began to look a little deeper, to see if some of the associations between information and advertising were perhaps a little more abstract, or poetic. What I discovered, and by 'discovered' I mean what I discovered in Men's Journal, is that if the associations are there, they are certainly interesting, and I am not exactly sure what to do with them. So I will give them to you.

The titles are the captions for the advertisements; the tiny little poetry phrases are excerpts from the opposing page.


ETERNITY

Like a local
realizing how
much a gringo
makes



NOT A MOMENT MISSED

Brains, inert
nubs, in a
glass container
of formaldehyde



I BELIEVE THE MACHINE
I SIT ON WILL TELL THE
WORLD EXACTLY WHERE
I STAND

Charming, angelic,
remote controlled–
Tinkerbell, with
balls



TAKE A TIME OUT

Nothing feels better
after a brisk workout
than a relaxing hydro
therapeutic massage.
relax. 90% of Alzheimer
patients have no family
history



DISCOVER BOATING

Riding Mongolia
on horse, or
camel



MAN, THAT’S REFRESHING

During eight days of
rigorous trekking
you’ll visit buddhist
monasteries...and
the raga’s palace



SIMPLY STUNNING

This stunt took
six seconds



all artwork, including monsters but not old timey photographs,
® mr. crispy flotilla, 2007

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

POSTCARDS (1983)

when a book is opened some
see perfume and must run
to touch a spot upon the knee
or cheek

I see perfume and can't resist
kicking an aeroplane upon its
steely nose

**

THIS IS MY BARBER

take us to this movie
'THE SPIDER WITHIN THE FLY"
and leave us there
filled with sadness
and our hair uncut by
the world's greatest composers!






all artwork, including monsters but not old timey photographs,
® mr. crispy flotilla, 2007
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