Saturday, September 23, 2017


Louis XV became King of France when all the grown ups died of smallpox and heartbreak.

He was betrothed to what would not be his future wife at 11 and she was 3 at the time and he did not find her very interesting. Her name was Maria and eventually he did not marry her but married Marie instead. She was plain and wholesome and her father was deposed in Poland.

Louis was a handsome young man but his chin became pudgy. A crazy person tried to kill him with a knife but did not (because Louis wore thick clothes.) He cheated on Marie which was terrible but the good news is that he cheated on her with Madame de Pompadour, who was as great as she sounds and loved arty things and did good things for France they say.

Louis had several children including Louis and his daughter who I want to mention. Her name was Adélaïde just like my Aunt Adelaide only she didn’t have accent marks on her name and she smoked cigarettes and wore crazy hats in a little town in Florida.

Louis wasn’t a very good King and he lived a pretty long time and he liked to go to brothels and sigh.

Once I saw a painting of Louis and he was wearing armor coverlettes and he looked cool.

When Louis died he died of smallpox which happened a lot those days and his heart was not cut out and put into a special coffer with gold and rubies like his father but his body was soaked in quicklime instead and buried in a small box. Warning: quicklime sounds delicious but it’s really gross. Don’t eat it.

Conclusion:

Louis didn’t do many good things for France, but there was the Seven Year War and Louis XVI and Versailles and wigs and brothels Marie and Madame Pompadour who I mentioned recently (see above.)


THE END

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