EL PERFECTO

I spent most of my childhood staring at an open box of Dutch Masters Perfecto cigars.

Here are the questions I used to ask myself:

1) Where is Dutch? or sometimes

2) Who is Dutch? and

3) Why is Dutch Masters so serious? eventually I would wonder

4) Which one is the head Dutch Master? or

5) What are the Dutch Masters doing? and

6) I wonder if it is true, like Henry in Mrs. Welch’s class used to say, that the Dutch Masters were secretly saying: “I sentence you to death by hanging!” and that they were saying it to me. They look serious enough to say that. And if so, what did I do that was so bad and so hang-worthy. And then of course

7) El Perfecto? and when I found out that it meant ‘The Perfect’ I thought

8) The Perfect what? Later I started to think

9) The World is a Ghetto
until I realized

10) The Dutch Masters think that they are so perfect but they’re really stupid

I also noticed that right next to the box of Dutch Master El Perfectos stood a cache of Schrafft’s chocolate peppermints.

11) Schraffts peppermints are: el perfecto! I believe this to this day and also to this day I believe

12) The Shores Cafeteria serves El Perfecto cigars, it is true, but also, cherry jello, chocolate pudding, doughy rolls, and tapioca. Which reminds me:

13) When I had my first kiss I remember yelling: EL PERFECTO! Big mistake.

14) In the wink of an eye, the Dutch Masters appeared with a little wispy poof. In front was the Master they all called El Jefe, and he sentenced me to death by hanging and I realized that so that’s the deal and there was no way out. Help Me Help Me I cried until I realized that all I needed to do was to say I love you El Perfecto and then I would be forgiven and live forever. And so I said I love you El Perfecto and I will do so forever and so as far as what happened and what will forever be–I will let you be the judge.

15) Or was it El Producto?

AMEN

all artwork, including monsters but not old timey photographs,
® mr. crispy flotilla, 2007