ONCE

ONCE i

I once met a man so alone so poor that he had never read a book and even if he wanted to he couldn’t because he never learn to read or write not because he was poor but because he was lazy because after all even poor people can go to school, dressed in rags, for school is free.

ONCE ii

I once met a man so alone so poor that he was blind and couldn’t see a thing and he was always saying OUCH when he ran into things all over his little shanty hovel.

Of course you don’t have to be poor to be blind but it does help if you want to be blind and hurt your toes if you are quite poor rather than quite rich because you don’t have servants to say things like “Mind your toes” and serve you cucumber sandwiches with a sprig of fresh dill and also if you are not rich there is the matter of the  broken beer bottles on the dirt floor and the starving dogs growling.

ONCE iii

I once met a man so rich that he said “Hey you! Do this!” and “Hey you! Do that!” and everybody did everything he barked out to them including women to whom he would often say things like “Hey you! Take off your brassiere!” and they did but not because he was rich but because he could control minds because he was rich and he could afford the mind control lessons which are very expensive and he never gave it a second thought in terms of the extravagance of it all.

ONCE iv

I once met a man so rich that all he bought were new release hardbacks with their slick dust jackets and he would stuff them with dollar bills and bullion and light a match to them and the books would explode into  flames and then the flames would lick the persian rugs and antiques and fireplaces and walls and the conservatory and eventually the whole house burned down including the billiard room and parlor and everything was gone but the bullion because gold doesn’t burn but it does become quite smoky and then it smells like bacon.