I DON’T FALL IN LOVE WITH GUYS pt. 1 (PARTS 2,3,4 missing for now but PART 3 just talks about how much I love my pen)

part one

I don’t fall in love with guys–I just don’t. Sure, once in a while I will say something like: “That Walter Cronkite is a devastatingly handsome man” but what I really mean is that Walter Cronkite is very avuncular and I feel safe and warm in his presence. Although I really am not in his presence–I am actually lying down on the rug in the living room and watching him on television and he is talking about Somebody just shot the President!

In reality, as I recall, I am just remembering someone else commenting casually not so much on Walter Cronkite but on how handsome Julie Newmar was, poured deep and sexy-style into her sparkly spangled black leotard and matching black cat mask in the 1966 television series, BATMAN. I forget who he was now, it’s been quite a while, but I do remember him saying: “That Jewlie Newmar is a devastatingly handsome woman”–not an avuncular woman–not a woman who made you feel safe and warm–but a devastatingly handsome woman who purloined the animal fever of your heart and held it captive in a prisoner-like way, intoxicated by the savory catnip of her tingly feline and curvaciously de trop beauty. And I, like so many millions probably, fell in love with her the first time she said “Purr-fect” because, as I said, I do not fall in love with guys, I fall in love with girls–there are millions of us who do–why, I think even Julie Newmar would if she were me–and I hate to say it but, we are all so very unhappy, but it is nobody’s fault, least of all Walter Cronkite’s.