THE HANDSOMENESS OF FRANKLIN PIERCE

It’s 1853.

Imagine that you have a big leather or velvet scarf or leather noose or collar around your neck instead of a simple, elegant silk cravet: that’s your tie.

Well, Franklin Pierce did. And still he was handsome.

And imagine, for some reason, it was not ‘de rigueur’ to comb your hair for formal portraits. Actually, it wasn’t. Not when Franklin Pierce had his portrait taken. And Franklin Pierce was nothing if not ‘de rigueur’ and still, he was handsome. Handsome-without-combed-hair handsome.

In the fashion of the day, ‘Handsome Frank’ Franklin Pierce turned his head as the flash went ‘POOF.’ And so we are left with the portrait of Franklin Pierce, with his head turned. He seemed to be gazing out into the vast distance–perhaps thinking about the wind blowing on faraway wheat fields.

His hair pointed this way and that. And in the far distance, perhaps Franklin could see those wheat fields. Or at least, the Kansas Nebraska Act. and beyond that–wait–is that Nebraska? Maybe it is, and maybe it ain’t. Many cannons make a lot of noise. And shadows begin to fall from the sky, like jumbo-sized Junior Mints.

all artwork, including monsters but not old timey photographs,
® mr. crispy flotilla, 2007