ATTENTION: READERS: YOUR ASSISTANCE, PLEASE

Devoted Reader,

I need your help. I have embarked upon a new work, A CHILDREN'S GUIDE TO SAMUEL JOHNSON. It is a daunting task of no small feat to say the least, if for no other reason than the fact that there are only about two paintings in the world of Samuel Johnson, and children like pictures. Also, Samuel Johnson could be kind of annoying. And he hated children. Didn't see the point of them. Still, my editor thinks it's a good idea. And my publisher doesn't. And my editor thinks it should be a pop-up book. And I agree. My publisher is being a baby about it. My editor isn't–he's being, well, almost a visonary about it. As for me, I think it would be cool to just have Samuel Johnson's little arms and legs move around on each page while using the same two paintings for his head the whole time. He could be dancing a little quadrille, or lighting a cigar, or even pontificating on British morality, Lawrence Sterne, the labor movement, death, or, just for fun, yelling out the window for the children to pipe down while their playing a game of hoops or chomping down on a refreshing treat of crystallized ginger. Children can be so naughty and loud and they do love their sweets.

Anyway, the point is, we find ourselves at the crossroads. Think Robert Johnson and the Mississippi Delta with a ruffly blouse and a quill pen and books and really overweight with gout and stuff. Yes, that's exactly what I am talking about. And so this is how I need your help: PLEASE: tell me exactly what your feelings are about the Samuel Johnson matter. Is this a book that needs to be written, and why exactly it should and must be. If you have ever read this Crispy tome, please contact Mr. Garni in the comments section and do not hold back. Oh. And please give suggestions. The last one–the hologram thing with the Bladerunner backdrop–was inspired.

Affectionately,

The Author


all artwork, except likenesses of Lyndon B. Johnson, by Crispy Flotilla ® 2006