LETTER TO A FRIEND, A CRISPY FRIEND

Dear Belovèd Whomever,

I meant to remind myself to write you with a post-it note. I am sorry that I didn't write you yet. I lost my last post-it today before I had my Classic Angus Steak Sandwich Hold The Mushrooms. That's right: mushrooms. Hold them. I know what you are thinking: John Cage liked mushrooms. He held them in his hands. That's true. Believe me though, he liked all sorts of mushrooms and was very open to liking mushrooms as he found them all over the world but if he were alive today–and if he were I think he would be 112–he would have said, "Crispy, I think you should hold the mushrooms here. They are not worthy of our contemplation." He really talked like that. He was so kindly, and his eyes twinkled mischievously. Do you like the word avuncular? I do too. I like to wear no shoes at all when I play the spinet.

All of this is off the point. The point is, I have no post-its. And were I to have post-its, I would like them to be near my thinking shower, where I do my best thinking. In fact, I have considered changing the name of my shower to My Best Thinking Shower, but I was concerned about the grammar. So then I thought perhaps My Best Shower (For Thinking) but that was too much like one of the Blue Note Vinyl Discs. Besides, I thought perhaps the if I said My Best Shower (For Thinking) that I might be tempted to add 'of' at which point all Hell would burst forth unabated as it is wont to do, often and abundantly and fruitfully so.

Back to the post-It note that I don't have anymore. I am not fond of them, but they are handy.

• I like every color I have ever found of post-It notes.

• I hear that there is a purple post-It note, but I think that is an urban legend, like when Charlie Chaplin entered into a Charlie Chaplin look-alike contest and came in third.

• I know that there is a sex scene in a movie where someone is covered in post-it notes but I forget what it is called.

• Short Break for a phone call: I asked Gelato if he knew about that movie and he said, "You're thinking about the sex scene with the woman that was covered in lobsters the color of Post-It notes." He's probably right. I think it ends with some kind of a bonfire and a lot of clubbing with big clubs.

• Anyone who likes Easter eggs likes post-it notes. This might not always be true, but so far it is. Ask anybody. I mean, anybody who is a Christian.

• If I had had a post-it note I would have considered writing down my Best Thought about the novelization of a particularly great episode of–well, it would sound cheeky and kitchy if I said it so I won't. I am certain that it will be fantastic. It's a cartoon. Can you guess? Yes, I really love you. It will have the word "Bull", like the animal bull, in the title, and it will have a good subtitle, I am thinking, at least now in my shower, "A Tale of Angry Love."

• I wish that lady next door would stop smoking all the time.

I am writing this down and then I will see what I remember later. Off to the post office!


Love,

Crispy


One other thing: if that lady next door keeps smoking cigarettes and keeps blowing the smoke into my apartment, I am going to buy one round trip ticket to NYC and one one-way ticket to NYC and put her in one of those large steamer trunks that they used to make and then put the large steamer trunk (I think it is sound-proof) into the overhead compartment if it will fit and then after I arrive I will flag down a taxi and tell him to "Take me to the Empire State Building" and then I'll (we'll) go to the observatory lookout with my steamer trunk and have a nice look at the breathtaking vistas for a few minutes and then take the elevator down to the ground floor all by myself, without my steamer trunk, if you know what I mean. Love, Again, C.F.

all artwork, except likenesses of Lyndon B. Johnson, by Crispy Flotilla ® 2006